Golf + Shopping

For years my father has been trying to get me interested in golf. Ever since i was a little girl. My father loves the game. He made me a member of the clubs, got a pro to coach and got me all the shoes and clubs and all. I learned the game and liked it. It's been such a long time since i held a golf club in my had. Up until yesterday...

I came to know about Play Golf this driving range just 10 mins from my place! To celebrate post osce, i went to the driving range and really got into it. Love it and can't wait to go back again. It's just so much fun. My father is thrilled about my renewed interest in it and is urging me to buy all the equipment here all over again although i have em back in Malaysia!!!

After that i went to the Trafford Centre! It was time for shopping and eating! Another visit to Carluccios... ( it's this new italian cafe in the Trafford Centre which i keep buying cakes and tarts from ). I am not getting fat though!!! (JeaLous???) hrmm, maybe i am getting fat...

Anyway, the i shopped... Haven't been shopping much lately, my latest purchases:-

1. the latest shade of the Dior Addict Ultra Gloss Reflect

2. the latest MAC liquid foundation - Mineralize Satin Finish

3. La Senza Pj's! nice and comfy. i feel like i'm sleeping on air

I am not contented yet. There is much more shopping to come.

Night night folks. Stay tuned for more tomorrow!

A Twisted Knot in My Stomach

I have been having this issue for such a long time. It's really eating me inside. I want to get away from it but it seems like there isn't much i can do. It may require a personality overhaul but am i ready to do that. AND, am i capable of doing it after not having done it for so long. No one knows about this but one whom i share it with. That person can't help me and i am not helping myself. I need a change. i need to do something about it. I feel like it's really EATING ME INSIDE. Sometimes i am free of it and it is bliss but then at a certain point in time it strikes me down. I can and must overcome this. I must not look back i must push through full throttle. Blogging does help, i don't pour it out but somehow it helps. I can tell no one. No one will understand but a few and no one will believe. There will be scepticism and betrayal. I don't think any of you will be able to make sense of this but it is but what has made me feel down today and in need of some cheering up. Thanks all of you who were such good frens to comfort me!

i love this song!!!!

Please go to the bottom of the page and play the Youtube video! this song is lovely.

Is it Just me?

I have strange body physiology. Is it just me or is everyone the same? Well, i have something to confesss. I go through stages and periods in my life when i am "high" without the well know liquid beverage to be blamed (alcohol!!!!) I am serious. I don't know why, i'm just "high" with no alcohol influence !
1.The typical charlene "high" (the most common one encountered)
* very very friendly, very chatty, not reserved at all, just all my true colours (good & bad) streaming out. Laughing like a maniac, a short attention span and just talking and talking and talking. . . (pretty loudly at times - yesterday haha the guy at the table behind my friends and i was turning over to look at us a lot). When the "high" has subsided, i am then left all "oh goodness, did i really act like that? what will they think of me now? and then i apologize profusely to those people with a text the morning after which they would probably look at and go "huh? what the hell?" the other things i ask myself are did i say that? how embrassing! they typical regrets!*

2.the paranoid charlene "high"
* this is when i can overly paranoid about something. this is like when i know i have done something, and i check whether i have done and confirm that and still keep checking. Like for instance. When i park my car, if it is in my flat area, it's fine. I will just go check if i locked it. If it is at the area outside where the main road is at a slope behind it, i check it a gazzillion times. things i check for :-

1. are my doors locked + my booth

2. is the red light blinking

3. is my steering lock on

4. is my handbrake securely up? (you see, i have this phobia that if not my car will roll down onto the main road)

5. there are no visible valuables displaying (no wallets left or gps navigation equipment lying around)

and after i've done all of that i go in and will still come out and peek again to ensure the car hasn't rolled down.

You see??? this is not normal... well, not to scare you off but that's on my extreme days.

3. the third type of "high" - the i'm sleepy so i'm high

well, this one normally happens when i'm really really tired and it occurs in the night. I will be cranky and extremely anxious about a lot of things, i will think too much and worry unnecessarily about things which when i wake up and think about i myself look back and think i was ridiculously crazy. here's i'll be thinking and replaying events in the day/over the past while and thinking and over analysing and seeing if i hurt anyone and will they be upset and think are they mad at me? do they think i'm a bitch? and seriously, in the morning, not a single one of those thoughts make the least sense to me.

4. the i'm going to pour my heart out to you "high"

Just like anyone else, i have a lot in me which i keep to myself. (seems like a shock to you huh?) There is not one person who knows everything about me. But sometimes when i'm "high" i will just get comfortable with someone and just open up a lot and pour on and on about anything that is bothering me which i usually keep to myself and not share with anyone. Those of you who know me will know that i am most probably the least confrontational person you will meet. If i am upset with someone or someone hurts me, i will not react to that person but instead just let it go and no longer will be around that person. Avoidance?Well, back to the point, at this "high" i do sometimes just pour out all this to someone. and then, i will look back and think "oh no, i shouldn't have done that" and like what was i thinking . Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, so as you can see, i have a real bunch of strange traits. I guess that it what makes me me. Is this just me? Or is everyone some what like this to a certain extent? Any views?
(i'm sure there are a lot of typo's throughout this post. I can't be bothered to go through it. My english is not awful ok!)

-~~~~~YOU~~~~~~-

You...

Are the one always by my side

are to one who comforts me when i'm down

who protects from the rough ways of this world

hits me like a storm

You....

are the one who picks me up when i have fallen

the one who stands up for me when i can't

the one who opens my eyes to so much

You

Are the one

*the wise words of someone*

Times Have Changed

In this past 2 years i think i have grown a lot. I do not know if it is for the best or for the worse. I have always been by nature known as caring and oversensitive. But so many things have happened over the past 2 years and the people i am exposed to has reshaped my character so much. I don't like the person i have become and long to be my normal self but in life it's so difficult to be that way.
I look back at a simpler time when people were genuine and sincere. In my whole life i always thought of a lot of people as friends but now i look at things differently. i have friends and then there are acquaintances. This is something my father always thought me since i was young.
He also thought me to trust no one. And up till today, there is no one in my life i trust completely besides my father and my mother. Everyone else in life has the potential to hurt you and to "use & abuse" you. *quoted from the brilliant See Lina* haha
As time goes by i do realize that my good qualities are being burried deeper and deeper within me and the cold ice queen is visible outside. Haha, but this FACADE never lasts for long, there are bursts of my normal self coming out from time to time.
For those of you who know me so well for so many years, i am still the same to you and you won't see this side of me. But, somehow , with each passing day, i am indeed changing, i don't know it is for better or for worse of it is what is called "growing up" and realizing this is the world we live in today, but it is all happening.